Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Your Head Is My Head and My Heart Is Yours

It has been sunny here for about two weeks now. It is truly incredible, as we (your Dad and I) never thought we'd see the light of day again, considering what a dreary winter, fall and last summer we had. But we were wrong. The sun still exists, and you've been soaking it up as much as you can, basking in it and playing your little heart out while simultaneously making Vitamin D with all your mitochondria.

Last night, in fact, I took you with me to my own ball practice and let you run around with your friend Kylie, a daughter of one of my teammates, while I chased balls around like a golden retriever.

When I was on deck to bat though, the batter ahead of me hit a fly foul that headed straight for the area behind the dugout.....the area I knew you were playing in. I cannot even begin to tell you how close I came to a coronary as I ran around the corner to warn you. It happened in slow motion. I watched that ball go up and then come hurtling down, and I watched with heart-stopping horror as it headed straight for the top of your little head. It was too late for a good idea, and all I could do was yell your name as I ran. You turned around just as it landed a mere foot from you, slamming into the ground with what could have been fatal speed.

I simply stood there for a second, staring at your precious face and your big eyes as they seemed to question, "What's the matter with YOU, Mom?".

My teammates must have seen the terror in my face because one of them came across the field just to tell me "It's ok, Trin. Calm down." even though I hadn't said a word besides your name.

I appreciate her concern and her trying to help, but between me and you, Caroline, no one will ever be able to understand how that felt for a few minutes, and how it still feels when I think of it. How close you came to being injured, or worse, haunts me. I daresay it will for a long time. I admit, I may be weird and I may be over-protective, but the fact is I can't hide that you are everything important to me, and I'd take that ball in my own head if it meant saving you from even a bruise.

I love you.


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